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An Important Update For Marvel's Spider-Man 2
Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 Has A Release Date. Vanity Fair Knows What It Is. Social News Collective Knows What It Is. The Daily Bugle Knows What It Is. Empire State Photographic Department Knows What It Is. No Way In Hell Are We Telling You Yet Though
BY CHRISTINE EVERHART
MARCH 25, 2023
INSOMNIAC GAMES
We have some bad news for Spider-Man fans in every universe, so instead of making you wait and wasting your times like other boring articles, let’s just get straight to the point. Spider-Man 4 is not happening. The sequel to Spider-Man 3 released in 2007 is what we’re referring to here. It’s not happening. An associate of Bully Maguire who goes by the name of Carmine, simply asked if we will ever see Spider-Man 4 in any universe on March 12, 2023, to which Bully reminded Carmine that “they stole it from him” emphasising the fact that “that was today… Today!” The Amazing Spider-Man 3. Also not happening. That wasn’t the news that sent Spider-Man fans from every universe in a frenzy earlier today though. March 12 is simply terrible day for Spider-Man fans in every universe. We attempted to get Norman Osborn’s thoughts on the matter who said today is such a “tragic day” for Spider-Man fans. However, we did notice that he couldn’t stop laughing. Perhaps Mr. Osborn is actually mocking Spider-Man and his fans on this terrible day.
Vanity Fair received information from one of the individuals called Peter Parker, who unfortunately revealed to us that a certain suit would not be available when Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 launches in Fall 2023. Although a slew of over 60 suits will be present in Earth-1048, a certain suit fans have literally been begging for as early as 2016 will not be present in Marvel’s Spider-Man 2. Peter Parker tells us that logistically it just wasn’t possible, however, he does have hope it will be available in the future, perhaps in 2025 and encourages all Spider-Man fans nt to lose hope. Although Parker did not specifically reveal the suit in question, many fans from Earth-091523 (The Twitter-Verse) speculate that this must be the suit featured in Earth-120703 and Earth-616. Tony Stark and Peter Parker (one of them anyway) broke the bad news to Spider-Man fans earlier today.
Fans have been outraged by the shocking news this morning. Whilst many did think the announcement was regarding a delay for Marvel’s Spider-Man 2, Mr. Stark made it clear that “we don’t do that here,” reconfirming that Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 launches in Fall 2023 (Again, we all know the release date. We’re not telling you yet though. Three is the magic number). Could Tony’s words be hinting at and at the same time paying tribute to another superhero. We just can’t tell. Spider-Man fans are shocked at this announcement. Drea Torres who told us she is from a completely separate universe expressed her disdain that the suit in speculation will not be in Marvel’s Spider-Man 2. “I’m shocked!” She told Vanity Fair this morning. “This is shocking news! Shocking! I’m shocked.”
Edna Mode, who we still have no idea how she got in this universe, didn’t even speak to us when she got the news. She just put her hand in front of our cameras, turned her face and walked away. We did hear her mutter, “This is nonsense, dahling. Absolute nonsense.” It seems that all Spider-Man fans in every universe are extremely disappointed in this news. Vanity Fair managed to talk to Maddy Perez who didn’t even get to read the announcement and instead had to hear it directly from us. She literally looked at our entire crew up and down and said, “Bitch, you better be joking.”
Unfortunately, we are not joking. It looks like that suit you were all expecting and have literally been begging for since 2016 will not be available in Marvel’s Spider-Man 2. Perhaps Mr. Stark simply doesn’t have what we’re waiting for. Expect disappointment and you will never get disappointed. See you on March 26, 2023.
All products featured on Vanity Fair are independently selected by Spider-Man fans. However, if you don’t get to preorder the most expensive Collector’s Editions for Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 because you did not pay attention to Vanity Fair, don’t blame us. That’s on you. We’ve prepared all Spider-Man fans in every universe for this exact moment
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Christine Everhart
After graduating from the prestigious Brown University, CHRISTINE EVERHART put her talent and expertise to great use, becoming a seasoned reporter at Vanity Fair. Being the first to get the intimate details of high profile celebrities with the likes of Tony Stark, where Everhart got the inside scoop of Stark’s persona as Iron Man months before he revealed it to the public. Follow her on Twitter
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